| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|12:39 pm] |
So I spent my morning,
Regurgitating all the actions and words I ate,
I have to believe in the choices I make,
And believe it’s the upper hand of fate.
I have to believe that there is no wrong,
In following your heart.
And every finish line,
Is the backside of the start.
I have to believe that these relapses we had,
Were for reasons in the stars.
And all those moments we spent,
Were worth internal scars.
And I have to believe that we,
Weren’t meant to be as one.
And destiny will bring us fortune,
When the healing has begun.
So I will remain myself,
Hopelessly dreaming of romance.
Searching for the truth,
In every passing glance.
And I guess you were correct,
When you said love shouldn’t be so hard,
And the choice to runaway,
Has left everybody scared.
But I beg to question,
What if that, and what if this?
But life does as fate has wrote,
In every tear and every kiss.
So on this note my dear, we bid farewell,
But with no anger and no hate.
I hope the pain has healed the wounds,
That I had no intentions to create. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 28th, 2009|02:59 pm] |
So I ate my words and actions for dinner last night,
And boy did I clean my whole plate.
I didn’t even leave time to breath between bites,
I just ate and ate and ate.
And still, it wasn’t enough,
For I had really made a mess.
I ran from this world we made,
And left you with the stress.
I tried to unzip the air,
Climb on through into the past.
Somehow change my actions,
To somehow make us last.
And I know my dear, I did to you,
What not even a foe would try.
I hadn’t had a clue,
The meaning of goodbye.
And now I know, my dear,
That each action bears a match.
For once we were a whole,
After the reaction, we did detach.
But was this part of the path,
That we had been stricken to by fate?
Are we destined to,
Collide on a later date.
I swear to you it might,
Be Pangaea of the soul.
For every word and action,
I’ve eaten from with bowl. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2009|01:31 pm] |
So I waited up well past my bed time,
Just to see it was true.
It was five past five, and I was more than alive,
And the moon was all over you.
And I couldn’t believe my own eyes,
When I saw him kiss you goodbye.
You looked deeply in tune, you and the moon,
Your silhouettes, painted on the sky.
And when the sun came in, I heard your heart ache.
Right through your flesh, I heard it weep.
And right then and there, I couldn’t help but stare,
And witness love so faithfully deep.
And tonight, your love will return,
As long as the clouds stay free from the sky.
And you can do your deed, and plead and plead,
But by morning he will say his goodbye.
And this pattern may give you comfort,
Give you a reason to finish the day.
You stare at the clock, tick after tock,
Swooning over the words he may say.
But do you feel as if you are missing,
A piece of the love’s puzzle that you dream to discover?
And until you find, the missing piece in kind,
Will you ever feel true to your lover?
And do you think of where he is, when he’s gone?
Are there other women he pleases like you?
He revolves on in, masking his sin,
With his charm and illuminate view.
And you my dear, you are priceless.
And with that, I wish to compete.
I state my case, look deep in your face,
And try to make your puzzle complete. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 5th, 2009|08:57 pm] |
So I spent the night trying to hold back the waves,
As if I could resist the tide.
I tumbled and rolled, over pebbles and stones,
Until the water pushed me aside.
I laid on the beach, tattered and torn,
As if I had returned from war.
But right then and there, I realized my fate,
So I jumped back in for more.
I could not dam the waters from coming ashore,
And stealing the sand from my beach.
Soon those grains will be swept away,
Far from anyone’s reach.
This stubborn tide, will not give in,
To mine, or anyone’s control.
It seems to me, that the powers at be,
Will never stray from their role.
So I can only win, by playing its game,
And understanding every move that it makes.
I will remain in these waters, until I am wrinkled and pruned,
Continuing to do whatever it takes.
So I spent my last breath, on screaming your name,
As if it would paralyze the flow.
But instead these waves rushed back ashore,
As it had done just moments ago.
And again I was carried over these grains of sand,
And when the waters receded, I did remain.
And when I whispered again, your soft spoken name,
Thunder struck, and then it did rain.
And I swear this water that fell from the sky,
Was as salty as the sea.
And right then and there, I realized the cause,
As these waves of rain poured down on me.
You can’t explain nature,
Nor control its next move,
You can halt it for some time,
But soon nature will prove.
That whether its water from the sea,
Or water from the sky,
Whether its lighting striking down,
Or wind blowing by.
Nature’s in control,
Of all that we can see.
My theory is it controls love,
And love’s in control of me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|10:22 pm] |
So on the eve of this moment,
I tried to inhale.
Every one of your scents,
But seemed to exhale.
I knew it was coming,
For the clouds had rushed in.
But I stood there waiting,
For the storms to begin.
This beach seems familiar,
I saw these waves in my past.
I believe I dreamt them,
The night before last.
You told me to meet you,
In your dreams that night.
I sat there alone,
You were nowhere in sight.
That dream was a preview,
Of what was in store.
It’s true what they say,
When it rains, it does pour.
Did you conjure this storm?
This ominous display.
A dreary prelude,
To what you would say.
It seemed as if you rehearsed,
You had recited your line,
But to your surprise,
I also practiced mine.
But who can predict,
Which way it would twist.
The winds then picked up,
I stood alone in this mist.
And I knew then and there,
That whatever I say,
Couldn’t bring back,
Me to that day.
I swear I still taste,
On my lips, was your kiss.
That noise that you made,
Oh how do I miss…
And then I did know,
You had decided to leave.
You would leave me here breathless,
In this moment’s eve. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|10:13 pm] |
So did I just walk in on,
The moon making love to you.
I never did expect,
But I imagined it was true.
Your eyes don’t reflect now,
Those night’s skies we were below.
And everything I have learned now,
Is everything I know.
I met you in a lesson,
That I learned from long ago.
I didn’t recognize your face,
For I did adore it so.
And I really should have seen,
This train approaching fast.
And every night we spent,
I prayed that it would last.
Those fireworks above,
I ordered you that night.
Do you think he saw them too?
Were they in his sight?
And now this moon has won you.
But I don’t dare start to compare.
For if you chose his kindness,
Then you are stuck then with his glare.
And do I remind you, that this moon
Doesn’t have its own source of light.
Its steals it from the sun,
And dances out at night.
And do I remember that this moon,
Did its dance when he was gone.
One night when it was cloudy,
And lied when it was dawn.
So I guess I made a mess,
And in it I will play.
For every choice I make,
I live it every day.
I may revel in your sadness,
But I do not have my own.
For someday it will be cloudy,
And the moon will not be shown.
But even when the day’s gray,
The sun’s light does shine through.
And in and out its rays,
Shine in and out of view.
So when the moon betrays you,
I’ll be making love to the sun.
For I know not how to settle,
Until I find the one.
For to define to me this love,
It mustn’t be soaked in doubt.
It must be something beautiful,
Inside and out.
Or maybe my views are skewed,
And I have been searching out what does not exist.
And maybe I’ll find myself miserable,
If I do persist.
But misery will be there,
Whether I settle or continue to explore.
And maybe will the sun,
Come knocking on my door.
Until then, I’ll keep this gamble,
Until then, I’ll keep this bet.
I will continue to write of love,
In which I never even met. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2009|09:11 am] |
Once upon a time I was reason,
And every word was strategically placed.
Every sentence, a speech,
In which you can hear, feel, see, smell, and taste.
I long for that insight,
But it was left somewhere back in my track.
I pulled it out on my journey,
But I never placed it back.
I climbed up these mountains,
And once I reached the highest of peaks.
I realized what’s lost,
Is what everyone seeks.
It’s that comfort you feel,
When you know each and every word.
And everyone’s thoughts,
Can be silently heard.
All of the truths,
Can leak out of the lies.
Flood your uncertainty,
With the kindest of eyes.
With the calmest of tone,
With the softest of touch.
I never knew that this relation,
Would teach me so much.
So much of that reason,
To lose faith, trust and hope.
I long for the day,
That I can begin to cope.
With all of the lessons,
For even the world, I wouldn’t trade.
Offer me earth,
And I would keep the mistakes that I made.
I would climb up these mountains,
Just to climb back down that trail.
That leads to the next,
Time I will fail.
And I will take that mistake,
With the widest of open arms.
Because I just changed the batteries,
In all the alarms.
It seems as if these days,
The sirens continuously sound.
And every square I meet,
Assures me their round.
And I do wish I could trust them,
But baby, my confidence went ill.
And every path that I travel,
Is missing that thrill.
And sometimes even,
The kindest of eyes,
Could reflect the colors,
That you truly despise.
But you can’t let that ruin,
The hike up that trail.
You know that one you dreamt of,
That refuses to fail. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2009|07:40 pm] |
I know I am who they blame, for the years worth of your feud.
For no one can even admit, to their own attitude.
I tried to fake me out, blame it on my part.
I took myself for granted; now I turn it into art.
I couldn’t keep on going; I had to put it to an end.
How can you even call yourself a lover, when you weren’t even a friend?
You betrayed me for your blood, and your blood will deceive you again,
I pity you for what’s to come, and if you compare now to then.
I know your dignity is something strong, but it’s careless and it’s cold.
But it warms up when you’re burnt, and it will boil when you are old.
It will keep you from crawling back, and it will keep you from your smile,
I swore up and down you’d change. I swore you would walk on down my aisle
I swear you’d put me in a box, somewhere deep underground.
Through all you put me through, I escaped safe and sound.
I don’t have any fresh wombs, but I am covered with the scars.
I am one fucking jaded soul, lost, following the stars.
And now I searching for forever, but forever is a day,
Compared to what it’d be, if I decided to stay.
I thought I’d learn your heart, the instrument of your soul.
But the only sound it’d make, is a constant drum roll.
It was leading to the end, when suddenly did it stop.
And we were sliding down this mountain, which we thought we were atop.
Now I am scared to walk ahead, I think I’ll stay this far behind.
I will stay within each moment; I will discover everything that’s there to find. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 21st, 2009|08:30 pm] |
So I awoke with these wings, beautiful things,
And I had a hunger for you know who.
So I leaped off this sill, with a want and a will,
And I sunk my talons deep into you.
I soared through the sky, with a grunt, then a sigh,
Because soon I had lost my grip.
As you fell through the air, looking back with a stare,
I apologized for letting you slip.
And it wasn’t until; you trusted me still,
That I realized you couldn’t be saved.
And as you approached ground, put silence to sound,
My heart suddenly caved.
But it wasn’t the floor, it was another allure,
That made you wiggle out of my hold.
There was a parental nest, dressed to the best,
And the chill was bitterly cold.
For I couldn’t compete, or make us complete,
For blood grows thicker with time.
Though did I try, and I didn’t know why,
But this nest, I couldn’t possibly mime.
And you lured me in, with the slyest a grin,
And this place did eat my soul.
For I couldn’t oppose, I mingled with foes,
But eventually it had taken its toll.
I lost track of my being, without hearing or seeing,
That suddenly I was somebody’s pet.
These wings had been clipped, my feathers been ripped,
And to you, I was suddenly in debt.
But I waited until; I flew to that sill,
And gracefully soared into the sky.
For this time I might, fly far out of sight,
And reach the highest of high.
But I do ask you please, approach me with ease,
For I am startled by every slight din.
And soon I will feel, the realest of real,
Let the future start to begin. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 15th, 2009|07:32 pm] |
So with blood shot skies, and tired eyes,
I climbed to the tippity top.
It wasn’t until; my silhouette became ill,
I knew my love had come to a stop.
As I stood there, with a numb stricken stare,
I found my mind suddenly misplaced.
I wasn’t in sync, my head too cloudy to think,
And my fears too concealed to be faced.
I stood there surprised, with a stranger’s eyes
And a voice that wasn’t my own.
I had no control, detached from my soul,
Reaping what someone else had sewn.
On top of this hill, stiffer than still,
I knew it was time to regain.
So I pretended to slip, by losing my grip,
Tumbling gracefully out of this pain.
And the skies became cleared, my shadow appeared,
And I seemed to be put back to life.
And it happened so fast, I freed the present from past,
And the future was pardoned from strife.
Suddenly my eyes, were back to the size,
They had been before I had fell.
My voice is now known, back to the original tone,
And my tension was eased as well.
So I cleaned off the rust, from the love and lust,
For the words that describe my thought.
For now I can think, and translate to ink,
Whether you like it or not.
I don’t have to meet, accomplish, defeat,
Or live up to anyone’s roles.
I made my own past, with stories that last,
I surpassed all of my goals.
So I stand here tonight, in the moonlight,
Staring to where the sky kisses the sea.
And the ocean it will, make love to it still,
Even though its witnessed by me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|11:33 am] |
i really have so many words rushing through my head and none of them are fitting together or making much of any sense right now. as a poet, this is frustrating. last night was the harvest moon. it was quite pretty, and quite amazing. i wish i could really encapsulate that image, like perfectly in a poem right now. this red balloon type globe just floating in the sky with thin clouds obstructing it view a bit. man, i guess i have written a lot lately and should be grateful for that...but i guess its just never enough.
on a life update after ranting...i start my new job next monday. for those of you who don't know, i will be designing waste water treatment plants and water storage tanks and such. i will continue to live at my house with papadukes for a couple years i think...thats the plan at least. he wants me to save up to put a big chuck of a down payment on a condo or house or something to that effect. i feel like im not totally going to feel like an adult yet, but i guess it won't matter because i will be making bank and saving a lot of it! but all in all my last 2 weeks off have been great, one more to go. spent a real lot of time with neen, grace, and joey, so who can't have a good time doing that? well...im off to sulk about having a writing blank.. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2007|07:10 am] |
this water lays here, like thick glass,
undisturbed, as if it never thawed from ice.
this water mocks the tides of life,
reversing to virtue from vice.
and i wish this water, calm today,
stays continually from here on in.
but this water has no choice,
when the storms start to begin.
but its how this water reacts to rain,
how it reflects the lightning's flash.
whether or not, it tenses up.
whether or not, its acting rash.
so here today, this pond lays still,
a painting draped along its back.
preparing for the darkened skies,
planning strategies for attack.
this pond and i, may be alike,
we are both naturally content.
but when ripples turn to waves,
we can't possibly prevent.
and maybe does this pond,
have an envy of the sea,
and then this poem encapsulates
the perfect analogy. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2007|12:54 pm] |
so i tiptoed outback tonight,
to patch the cracks running up the sky.
i thought by now it would've fallen,
but its more displeasing to the eye.
so i balanced on the tree tops,
and painted you this scene.
for it only to be ruined,
by me, before its seen.
for i was scared you would not respond,
or enjoy my work of art.
its one thing to feel lonely,
but rejection tears apart.
and i wish i could have changed,
our last conversation's hostile tone.
this is not who we are,
this is not what we condone.
and i can't help but have these dreams of you,
for that reason, late at night outside.
painting over these cracks we've caused,
but some are too thick for me to hide.
and i can't help myself to wonder,
what exactly you think of me.
but this distance leaves me clueless,
of what your thoughts could even be.
but i am left here to wonder,
filling these cracks day and night.
everytime i finish,
new cracks begin in sight.
and you fucking left me jaded,
lost with this idea that life can't be.
everything i wrote about,
its all a fantacy.
but then i took a short enough break,
and saw, through the cracks, a beam of light.
so on my hands and knees, i tore the sky apart,
into day, back into night.
and for two weeks, i broke into,
the outside of this sky.
this fishtank i was in,
held me as time went by.
finally i made it through,
to breath the freshest breath to date.
finally believeing in love,
finally believeing in fate.
and out side of that confinement,
stretched far as the eye could see.
so much for me to conquer
so much to conquer me. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2007|08:08 am] |
So here I find myself,
On the Eve of Goodbye.
Assessing the cracks,
Running up through the sky.
Judging whether to fix,
Or give up and create.
Or letting time heal,
Putting my trust into fate.
Either way it’s a gamble,
A conundrum of choice.
And what I would do for your face,
And what I would do for you voice.
We started so strong,
So fast and with haste.
And this love I did feel,
I smelt, saw, and could taste.
So here I find myself,
With my glass half empty with fear.
Tipping it back,
On the Eve of a Tear. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|06:02 pm] |
so with out haste, and little to no thought.
i jumped off that dock.
and into the water, with the stillest of grins.
this is how this story begins.
and without how, who, where and when?
this water did turn black again.
for without a test of the water's state,
to make sure this water wasn't black by fate.
i jumped.
fell, whatchamacallit.
so then, ya. the water was still.
and could have fooled me then and there.
but with a constant stare...
from beneath was screaming beware.
and i wish i knew, and i wish i had..
the courage to sit there on that dock.
wait, in peace, with the clock.
let the tick proceed the tock.
think, with the clearest of minds,
that this here, in this now, might not be sound.
for without a foundation to bear on ground.
this, this might not be the this i thought i found. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|05:25 pm] |
your breath, three hours behind
and your heart beat behind as well.
and this void here in my stomach,
has slowing began to swell.
and i swear, i live a lifetime,
in every second i spend with you.
but i swear, it feels like eternity,
in every second without you too.
so this time with you i've spent,
has made me fall into..
a realm of life i haven't seen yet,
a dream it had came true.
and i swear i heard you breathing,
as if my dreams you tried to spy.
but i awoke to find you nowhere,
lost my breath within a sigh.
these miles we have between us,
have shown me we are in line.
and even when your heart beats,
three hours behind mine.
i have never came out to pour,
my feelings out this way.
to the people i adore,
until this very day.
i realized that my love,
need no time to prove its true.
and time's ripples grew to waves,
and washed me here to you.
and i drowned inside your beauty,
and got flushed within your grace.
and i fell into a dream,
just to see your face. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 28th, 2007|06:32 pm] |
so this dance is dark, and underground.
and the light we have, your eyes...
but excuse me dear, i think you have my heart.
every breath, a mere surprise!
and this dance, we dance, we dance it slow
for this dance we dance goodnight.
for if we dance with cation's grip
we'll be sure to dance it right!
and excuse me dear, i think this plan was yours
right after this plan was mine.
but this dance it came so natural,
i think its of another kind.
maybe it was fate, who planed this dance
and made this night come true
maybe it was destiny,
who brought me here to you.
and maybe it was coincidence,
that this dance we dance tonight.
gave me butterflies that filled me whole
at every glance, and every sight!
so for now, we'll dance it silently,
and this dance, we'll dance it slow.
for the future plans so blindly,
that the present can never know...
and if it did, this future's gift
would be without the mere surprise.
that the next moment does hold blissful suspense,
that can be seen throughout your eyes.
and my dear, label me crazy
but so natural we were as we met
as i turned to metal
and you my dear, magnet. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2007|12:18 pm] |
so tonight, on this frozen ground
we will dance barefoot under the moon's light
weaving ourselves between the forest's trees
ripping our clothes and scraping our knees...
our eyes will lock in passion's grip
as we travel to the beat
of a careless waltz, in past lives we learned
but is foreign to our feet.
but we will make due, this dance
and stomp the ground, make soft its frozen grains
scream our love, that undying curse
that filters out our pains.
and forgive me dear, for this dance we dance
should have been danced so long ago
but it was me, who thought a thought so hard
and let the moment go
And now i sit here waiting,
with a rose for you, my dear
but the wind it had a secret
and it whispered in my ear.
That tonight, you won't be coming
and not to sit and wait,
for soon the cold will roll on in
and behind it will be fate. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|09:21 am] |
|
today is my last final for this semester. it feels so weird, im half-way done my masters in engineering. im 22, and have half of something that most people never will have. i guess what im going for here, is i feel so young but old at the same time. like directly after next semester i get to step out into the real world of working and all, but that schedule will be so much easier than my 7am-9pm schedule right now. im going to have to go get another degree after this i think...maybe a masters in education? MBA? im not sure...but school is definately my half-identity. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|10:25 pm] |
i feel too haste in my decisions.
as if i know which way i need to go,
and im finding the closest road pointing in that direction.
i feel as if im hitchhiking my way to happiness,
and i just turned down the wrong ride.
but me, im too scared even to make the wrong choices.
that im stagnant in repose.
reprieving what i want most.
and shit, im frustrated.
because in comparison, im fucking happy.
but in truth, im so lost.
as if i just spun the bottle i just finished,
swallowed, and followed the path it laid forth...
i think i may have followed my heart into a hole.. |
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